


Don't Touch Me!

by GeneticallyAwkward



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Nightmares, PTSD Garbriel, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, fear of sex, mention of rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 18:24:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17585984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeneticallyAwkward/pseuds/GeneticallyAwkward
Summary: It's been a few months after Gabriel was rescued from Asmodeus and he believed the nightmares had stopped. He thought he was finally comfortable with being touched again. But never could be so wrong.One night he had a dream about a repressed memory that something had triggered. How could he ever allow someone to touch him again?





	Don't Touch Me!

Gabriel was fine, he acted fine. He deemed himself fine. He was able to fully be around everyone without freaking out and was comfortable with physical contact.  
So he must be fine, right?

Wrong.

It happened last night. Gabriel thought the nightmares had stopped, he really did. He convinced himself that if they ever happened again he would be prepared for them, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t prepared for this one. Because this one was different.

It had only happened a few times in the beginning when he was held captive, that’s what he liked to believe, but in truth it had gone on for two years before stopping. And after that he shoved it so far down into his mind that he forgot it happened, that is, until now.

He woke up shaking, sick to his stomach, sweaty, and his wings feeling sensitive. He wished those memories stayed locked away like they did all those years afterwards.  
Slowly, he reached up to touch his lips, feeling like he betrayed Sam. But it wasn’t like it was consensual, he didn’t enjoy it one bit. But he felt guilty, like Sam would never forgive him. His body was used for another man's pleasure. He was a dog.  
He breath became ragged and his jaw clenched. Father forgive him, for he truly like a sinner. Stomach churning, like he drank spoiled milk, he almost threw up. He was so scared, he wanted a hug of reassurance but he didn't want to be touched. No way in hell was he letting anyone touch him in that way again, the thought of it now made him sick, if someone even ever so slightly touched him in any way he would probably scream and lash out. Fighting back tears was useless, because they just flowed down his cheeks.  
Gabriel checked the time; it was 4:20 a.m.  
He had a feeling that that day was going to be a long one.

 

That morning, around 6 am, he decided to leave his room early. It might have been because he had been awake since 4 and it was boring just sitting there for two hours, or he wanted to take a cold shower to clear his mind and ‘cleanse’ his grace.  
And after that shower and fresh clothing, maybe some breakfast too. He wanted to gorge himself in granola and french toast, because that had helped him get through tough days before so it should work now.. right?

Dean was in the kitchen at the time Gabriel walked in and he was making breakfast already. When he heard footsteps he glanced back for a second to see who it was.  
“Ok, I can get three hours taking a shower in a one shower restroom with the door locked, but what you were in was called a ‘Shower room’. Meaning it has multiple showers, meaning that you locking the door is a dick move and I was unable to shower before breakfast like I wanted to.”

Gabriel opened his mouth to speak a witty remark as if it was poetry, but he instead made a tiny squeaked because a voice from behind scared him.

It was Sam.  
“Dean.” he spoke calmly, “Gabriel looked tense when I saw him enter the shower room, he obviously needed time to himself.” Sam placed a hand on Gabriel’s shoulder and gave a small smile as if to apologize to his boyfriend for his brothers behavior.

And Gabriel smiled back. He was glad Sam there and was actually leaning towards his boyfriend to feel comfortable, soon enough Sam wrapped his arms around him. He felt so safe in the hunter's embrace, he almost forgot what had happened last night.  
Almost.  
His mind would never let him forget again. Never. He suddenly wiggled and jerked away from Sam timidly and quickly went to find the granola and the ingredients for french toast. It felt right to be in Sam's arms but he just couldn't give himself that pleasure, how could he? He let another man-not even a man but a demon-touch him and he was disgusted with himself. He couldn't let it go. he couldn't let even Sam near him in case of contamination.

Sam had been watching Gabriel's behavior, it seemed off.  
The only times Gabriel would jerk was after the archangel was rescued from Amadeus..  
Realization dawned upon the hunter as he slowly moved to the table. It was best to save the conversation for later, when the two were alone. For now, he waited for Dean to be done with the stove before he began making his own breakfast.  
“Gabriel,” he began, “What are you making for breakfast?”

Gabriel inhaled sharply, ‘Oh shit, what was I making again?..’ he let out a shaky exhale, trying to calm his thoughts and get into the zone.  
“Uh, I think I was going to make French toast, but I can't find the flax.” he mumbled, but it was loud enough for Dean to hear at least.

As Dean was grabbing a plate for himself, he looked at Sam and silently asked his brother what was wrong with Gabriel. But, before Sam could send a silent answer, he decided to ignore it and say the following;  
“What the hell is ‘Flax’?”

Gabriel, who was obviously not expecting that question, dropped the cinnamon. He scrambled to pick it up and hugged it to his chest. He slowly turned to meet Dean's gaze.  
“Are you ducking serious?”  
Oh Father, pleASe say that Dean was serious. 

“..... yeah.”

Gabriel gulped, he hadn't told them yet, had he? This had to be the worst possible time to explain this stuff when he just wanted to get through the damn day, “Flax is a thing that you can mix with water and set in the fridge for awhile to make an egg supplement.’

Sam's eyes widened, how come he never heard of this? He had been looking for Egg supplements since forever.  
“Why do you need an egg supplement? I thought you liked traditional french toast.”

“I have never had a single animal product in my life.”

And with that the entire room went silent. 

Gabriel started to internally freak out. Did they hate vegans for some reason? Vegans were honestly not as snobby as they seemed, he had meet a few. It's not like he hated meat, he just felt like throwing up because of the grease he saw in Dean's pan from the bacon and he really like animals. He was about to speak up with Castiel and Jack entered the room.

“Good morning, everyone!” Jack chirped, smiling as brightly as always. Gabriel had grown to really like the kid, so much he could never say no.

A chorus of ‘Good Morning’s’ echoed through the room as Gabriel continued making his french toast.

Soon, like time flashed before his eyes, it was the afternoon. 

Sam and Dean were looking for a case, Castiel was watching television and Gabriel sat down with Jack to teach him history and science.

And by teaching he was using a homeschooling program called Acellus, just filling in the blanks to everything.  
It takes Jack at least a Month to get through a grade and right now he was at 8th grade. Gabriel couldn’t be prouder.

So he took jack out for ice cream. Big mistake.

For some reason he felt eyes on him. Normally he would dig the attention but for some reason it felt like it was suffocating. He needed for people to stop glancing in his direction, he wanted to feel normal. Every look and he felt disgusting, like prey about to be eaten alive by some predator. Subconsciously he started to match his footsteps with Jack’s. He truly didn't realize how scared he felt till they entered the ice cream parlor.  
Something was terribly wrong, he couldn’t even order Jack his ice cream and instead of using a credit card he gave jack enough dollars to pay for the dairy delight he wished was made from almond milk. He wanted to get out as quickly as possible and go to his room.  
The feeling of disgust followed him all the way back to the bunker and he immediately ran to his room. 

Once locking the door, he collapsed onto his bed and shoved his face in his pillow. He cried, hating himself, hating his body. He flinched earlier when Sam gave him a hug this morning, why did he flinch?! Why did he struggle away from someone he promised himself to cherish and love?! It’s Sam! Sam would never force him to do anything. Sam was someone he looked up to, who survived almost going mad because of Lucifer. Sam was everything he wanted to be. Sam was kind and caring, and under no circumstances would he touch someone sexually without their permission.

Sam was too nice for that, right?

 

… Right?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I would like to thank you for reading the first part of my "Mini-Story".  
> This is my first /posted/ fan fiction so please be kind.  
> I don't know my inspiration behind this other then while trying to shut my mind up so I could sleep, I suddenly think "What if my favorite character got ****** during being held or inslaved?? And that brought me to the question of "But which character?" so it took a while to pick the perfect character to fuck up even more then the writers who write the canon shit.
> 
> Too much info..?  
> The next chapter will be posted next week (*cough*year*cough*)


End file.
